Zombie Sex
Yesterday, Tarin and I watched this Japanese zombie film called Junk because my manager with eccentric taste in movies was raving about it and how it’s up there with Dawn of the Dead, so I had really high expectations for it. But the movie was only ok. Dead Alive and Re-Animator are still my favorite zombie movies, and I haven’t even seen all of the latter. I asked Tarin what it was he liked so much about zombies and Tarin said he likes watching people kill them. I like zombies because they’re so easy to kill. Just shoot them in the head. And if you miss, big deal, just run away. What are they gonna do? Run after you? They walk slower than Adriana Lima can process a thought! If you’re wondering who Adriana Lima is, and I’m sure I’m misspelling her name (the reason I know how to spell “misspell” is because of the Miss Pell mnemonic I leaned in the sixth grade), she is this Victoria’s Secret model I used to have the hots for and wanted to make a shrine for on the ceiling of my room (much like Stephanie did for Richard Gere in the Judy Blume book Just as Long as We’re Together, only she just had this one poster of him when he was younger and I wanted a galaxy of Miss Lima on my ceiling). Until I read an interview she did for some men’s magazine and she was so dull I swear time just went slower to adjust to how lame she was. She’s supposedly engaged to Lenny Kravitz, which makes me lose respect for him, because if he likes his women as insipid and vapid as she is then… then… it’s a shame. There’s probably a better way to put it than just “a shame”, but it would only get me going into another metaphor and already all this started because I was talking about zombies and how slow they walk and look at me know, I’m making fun of Lenny Kravitz and the IQ of his girlfriend.
Today, we’re watching this documentary called Hands on a Hard Body. It’s supposed to be hilarious. It’s about these people who are in this contest to win a truck, and the winner is the person who can keep their hand on it the longest. Is your life as exciting as that? Because mine is.
Today I hung out with Jeff and I made an appointment at the Orbit here in Ann Arbor to get my hair cut. If I get a haircut I might as well get it done by someone amazing, so I made an appointment with the most amazing stylist I could find. Hopefully after Monday, if you look at a before and after picture, you will say OH, DAMN. What AWESOME HAIR MAN. That’s what I hope people will say. I hope they stop in their tracks, look at me, gawk, and ask where I got my hair done. I’ll just flip it around and say something like, “I fell out of bed like this.” I used to have hair like that, a few years ago. Then I got it colored and re-colored and un-colored and bleached and pooped on so much now it’s all fried like some southern chicken.
Also with Jeff I bought a bunch of books at this cool used bookstore. I don’t even know the name of the store. It’s right next to Orbit, though. The bookstore guy has a big black dog named Luke, and Luke licked my face a lot and my hands a lot. I love the dog and everything, but later when Jeff and I ate dessert at Zingerman’s, I had to wash my face with that handsoap they have in public restrooms because my face and hands smelled like dog spit. The books I bought were two Dostoyevsky books (Crime and Punishment and Brothers Karamazov) and this trilogy in one by E.R. Eddison called Zimiamvia. Has anyone ever heard of Eddison? I hadn’t, but J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis gave him really awesome reviews. What is it with fantasy writers and using initials?
Over blueberry pie, chocolate mousse, stolen milk, and an iced espresso, Jeff and I talked about… how we prefer to date people of color. And also we made fun of these Asian girls who have their blue eyes and brown hair and white boyfriend, and how they wear clothespins on their noses to get the pointy nose and get surgery done on their eyelids to get the double folds and change their names from Hsiao-Chiu to Kristen or something like that. Jeff and I also talked about our own former self-hated, and how we thankfully got past it, but would everyone else please grow the fuck up? We also talked about how as a minority sometimes we thrive on negative power since sometimes it’s the only power we feel we can have, and how I associate that with abusing people I love and how he associates it with his S&M fantasies.
Anyway, what would an entry of mine be like without sex? Much like this one, I suppose.
